They’re Real and They’re Spectacular

Oh man am I going to miss my breasts.

This is not a shirt. Credit, me.

They’re really great. I mean like really great. I’m talking like don’t need a bra, fit into all swimsuits, and feel fantastic kinda great. Just the right size too. A little more than a handful, but completely un-impeding. God, if only they weren’t ticking, perfectly formed time bombs.