I know people lie. I know they lie for all kinds of reasons seen and unseen. Fantastic and mundane. They lie because their brains tell them to. The brain tries to protect us, to make sense of things and it does a great job of doing that actually. And sometimes it fucks it up. What I’m saying is, just because something is possible doesn't make it likely.
In my brother’s case, they were both drunk at a party and neither had the cognitive capacity to give consent. But she awoke with serious regrets about their interaction and he was unable to defend himself mostly because he could not remember any of it. Yep, pretty much the same defense offered to Brett Kavanaugh.
Having sex with an unconscious person is assault. But what if they’re both shitfaced? If a woman has drunken sex, it’s a bad idea and possibly rape — but if the man is drunk, it’s still a bad idea and maybe he’s a rapist. Neither can give consent per se, but due to the nature of physiology, the act of intercourse casts the man as the perp and the woman (in this scenario) as the victim. Is it fair?
But that’s not what happened between Blasey Ford and Kav. He was drunk, at 17, and she was not, although just 15. He was sexually inappropriate at best and attempted rapey at worst. He is a creep. There are shades of gray here and that’s why punishment should be meted out judiciously. The guy is just looking for a promotion; he’s not facing prison time or a loss of his freedom in any way. I believe her enough to say Hold the phones… this merits a closer look.
My brother was due for a long, hard look at how he was conducting his life and that climaxed in light of his accusation. He stopped drinking, he stopped attending all-night parties, and he took the allegation as a wake-up call. It was taken seriously and although it wasn’t accurate, it was still heeded. He apologized to his accuser for his behavior.
Unfortunately, his apology was considered a confession and that sealed his fate. So I’m not expecting Kav to apologize any time soon. Largely because I believe he does not feel he did anything wrong, as most men in his situation and status probably do. Like my brother did initially. I see the discrepancy between what a victim feels and what a perpetrator remembers. When it means more, it’s remembered more. It is also remembered differently. I get it. This is hard stuff.
While I do feel that my brother’s accuser erroneously labeled both their lapses in judgment as coercion — perhaps putting her behavior into the 2–8% of accusations of crime that are falsely made — I still believe her claim should have been investigated. I feel Ford’s claims also should be heard and investigated because we know of enough evidence that makes her claim more likely true than not. That’s the burden of proof needed for Kavanaugh’s job interview, not the 95% preponderance required for a criminal trial. See the difference?
Most things in life aren’t black and white. Sexual assaults are very difficult to litigate and most are simply brushed off. And while I, perhaps more than most, sympathize with the pain of the falsely accused, we cannot allow that to be a smokescreen for bad behavior to exist in our society and least of all in our Supreme Court.
